WHAT A GENTLEMAN SHOULD LOOK FOR IN THE LADY OF HIS CHOICE
It is widely known in all cultures that a man usually takes the initial step in proposing to a woman for marriage. This process has the benefit of causing the man to commit himself more to the task of loving and caring for the woman of his choice. But, what are the standards he must employ to guide his desires and recognize the desired traits in a particular woman in order to choose her among the thousands around as his wife?
Men must remember that the affection of a male is more prone to wander away to other women than it is for the affection of a female to easily sway to other men. Unless a lady has not found her security in the arms of a real loving, honest, and caring man, most women will make less sexual exploits outside of their marriages than men will do. Since you have to make only one life-long choice of a wife for a permanent bond, a man should patiently employ all his faculties (physical and spiritual), and be goal-oriented in his choice. Men are creatures of sight, and can make disastrous blunders by merely falling in love at first sight. They can be swayed by feelings and attractions of graceful feminine body features to jump aimlessly into marriages, only to give problems to themselves and their wives later on, and cause untold suffering to their children.
As I mentioned before, there are fundamental and essential differences between men and women, which dictate specific needs of the different sexes. These needs have very strong influences on what to look for in the other person in order to fulfill that need. When there are expressions of dissatisfaction, conflicts, nagging, and fights in a marriage or family, the final interpretation is not just “incompatibility” as people often say, but the sudden realization of the husband and wife that their needs are not being met in the marriage relationship. They begin to crave for essential ingredients they ought to have opened their eyes and apply all their senses to explore long before they concluded to make the other person part of their lives.
We are always told that we “fall in love” with a person before we marry the one. As much as there is some truth in this concept, I often prefer to advise people to “walk into love” rather more, by guarding their affections carefully with wisdom.
I have listed a few important qualities that a gentleman has to look for in the right woman of his dreams, which will make him conclude that he has made the best choice for a wife. I must caution that you will fully know some of them only when you actually live with the woman, but in all cases, through conversation, interactions, and careful observations, you can have sufficient ideas to work with. I believe that the best woman of your choice must be:
1) HUMBLE AND UNDERSTANDING —- Not domineering or demanding. She must be willing to submit to the good leadership of her husband. No man can live with a woman who always wants to “bulldoze” him around to do her bidding, and cannot patiently help him to be the good leader he has to be for the family. Taking time to listen to the man and giving appropriate responses, with humble inputs.
2) RESPECTFUL —- A woman who respects herself and has a heart and attitude of respect for her man. A woman who will not bring disgrace to the husband and family by her words and behavior before others, especially in public.
3) MODEST —— Not worldly or sophisticated. The fineries and nice articles are good for the enhancement of appearance, but she must not make flamboyant dressing her goal, and be in the habit of parading herself in the most expensive clothing and jewels in town. Someone who knows the elegance of a real lady that issues from decent and wise way of dressing.
4) NEAT AND TIDY—- concerned bout cleanliness and personal hygiene. Always taking pains to let herself and her environment look and smell good. Having the appearance and aroma that invokes true love and devotion in a man for a woman. The first test is
the state of her kitchen and ordinary clothing, followed by her bathroom, and then her bedroom.
5) DOMESTIC —– A joyful homemaker. Willing to spend time at home and get the place organized. Having a heart to welcome and entertain visitors. Consistent, proper placing and arrangement of items at home. Supporting the man to bring essential ingredients needed to run a happy and productive home. Not gallivanting aimlessly outside at the expense of her home. Not neglecting important household duties.
6) GOOD COOK —- Learning and knowing how to cook good and savory dishes. Concerned about balanced diet and new recipes, and proper administration of food for the family. Not selfish with her food.
7) DILIGENT —- Not lazy in character. A lover of productive and beneficial work for the family and outsiders. Keeping work scheduling times and not dragging her feet to perform simple chores.
8) HONEST —-Telling the truth and keeping promises to earn integrity. Sincerely and quickly admitting wrong, and willing to do better. Giving appropriate responses to the honesty of the man.
9) CHEERFUL AND HOPEFUL —- Not moody or constantly pessimistic. Sweet and attractive to interact with, and not repelling outsiders with an unwelcome attitude. Not constantly expressing fear and unbelief that will always hinder the progress of the family.
10) NOT A NAGGER OR SHORT-TEMPERED —- A peacemaker who is not noisy and contentious. A patient, graceful, tender, gentle lady. ABLE TO CONTROL HER TEMPER AND WORDS. Someone who is not a brawler. Not having the habit of finding fault, scolding, and complaining. Not a grumbler who cannot be easily pleased. Women must know that nagging demoralizes men and diminishes their confidence.
11) GOOD COMMUNICATOR —- Making a conscious effort to build intimacy with the man through verbal, written, and bodily expressions. Sharing her heart, and seeking to engage her man in good conversation. Sharing her joys, sorrows, and problems sincerely. Able to express her affection and appreciation verbally.
12) ROMANTIC AND LOVING —- Not just sexy in appearance and attitude, but having the willingness to satisfy her man with good romance and practical love when they marry. Having the right attitude towards purity before marriage, but not possessing a negative, selfish mentality towards sex that can starve the man sexually in the marriage and create problems of infidelity and lack of fulfillment.
13) NOT GREEDY, ENVIOUS OR SELFISH—- Not mean or self-centered. Not living a life of comparison with others and developing a spirit of envy, greed, and jealousy. Genuinely thinking about the welfare of others. Willingness to share what she has, including inherited wealth or property. Ready to extend love to family and friends. Giving the right treatment to in-laws. Not making secret deals behind her husband.
14) HELPFUL, CARING, AND ENCOURAGING —- Desiring and making every effort to support the man. Standing by him through thick and thin, no matter his weaknesses. Encouraging him by all possible good means. Having a sincere desire to help others to be prosperous and happy. Having a heart of service without discrimination, and seeking to help you out unconditionally.
15) GRATEFUL —- Thankful for the man first, and all good things that come her way as a result of their relationship. Able to have a heart of gratitude and expressing her gratefulness for little gifts first, and big ones as well.
16) HAVING FINANCIAL WISDOM —- Not a lover of money. Honest with money and spending. Ability to use money wisely without incurring debt for the family. Not obsessed with shopping. Buying items that are really not important at a particular time. Willing to help the man to make a reasonable budget. Joining her husband to plan for the future.
17) FEARING GOD AND HAVING GOOD MORALS —- Respecting God. Someone who loves the Bible and its daily application. Responsible church member. Someone who delights in holiness, purity, and excellent family values. Morally upright. Having respect for her own sexuality and its appropriate use.
As I have always underscored, it is more important to BE THE RIGHT PERSON than just looking for the right person. That is the only way to recognize the right qualities in the other fellow.
Every man should have it firmly fixed in his mind that without his good and Godly leadership as a husband, and his unwavering love, he will ruin the best woman given to him in any marriage.
Gentleman, please remember that the lady is also looking for the right man with excellent qualities that will provide her with the love, care, and security she crucially needs.
WHAT A LADY SHOULD LOOK FOR IN THE MAN OF HER CHOICE
What do you set out to really look for in a man in order to choose him as a prospective husband—someone you will share your entire life with permanently on earth? This is a vital question many ladies pose to me frequently. Since the man will usually propose to the woman, she must also have a set of standards that will guide her to give positive or negative response.
Again, the fundamental and essential differences between men and women that dictate specific needs of the different sexes should be among the overriding factors for her ultimate decision. If she decides to go with a man who does not know the value of women, she is in for a trouble. The vital needs of women have very strong bearing on what to look for in the man who will be used by God to fulfill those needs.
I have listed below a few important qualities a lady has to look for in a good man of her choice. Again you will notice that some of the qualities overlap with those that a man should look for in a woman, but both sexes often manifest them in different ways. These qualities are:
1) HONEST —-telling the truth, keeping promises to earn integrity etc.
issea2) GOOD COMMUNICATOR —- making the effort to build intimacy with the lady in his life. Sharing his heart, and seeking to be a good conversationalist. Sharing joys, sorrows and problems sincerely.
3) LOVING GOD’S WORD —- respecting God as the Creator of mankind and marriage. Studying and applying His Word, referring to it and relying on it in speeches, planning, and decision making etc.
4) PRAYERFUL —- depending on God for guidance and strength through prayer.
5) RESPONSIBLE CHURCH MEMBER —-active and serviceable member of a good Church.
6) EXHIBITING LEADERSHIP —-able and desiring to take initiative in leadership, and helping others to follow along for the accomplishment of common goals.
7) SELFLESS—- not selfish or mean. Genuinely thinking about the welfare of others. Willingness to share what he has, including inherited wealth or property. Ready to extend love to your family and friends.
8) CARING HEART—- sincere desire to help others to be prosperous and happy,
especially you (the lady). Having an attitude of service without discrimination. Seeking to help you out unconditionally.
9) HAVING TIME FOR PEOPLE —- making time to give individual attention to
people, especially women. Able to have the time to listen patiently to what you have to say.
10) NEAT AND TIDY—- concerned bout cleanliness, decent dressing, home orderliness,
and personal hygiene, which will enable him to support the wife and children in the home. Making the effort to look and smell good.
11) DILIGENT —- loving to do good and profitable work. Working to completion. Not
running away from work that demands effort or sweat.
12) HAVING TRUE LOVE —- sincerely loving people without manipulation in order to use them. Love that gives to others rather than getting from them. Planning to do acts of love by carefully observing people to sense their needs.
13) HAVING A CAREER OR JOB —- must be doing some work which will enable him to support his family, and provide them with financial security. Having or developing a career for income as well as self-improvement.
14) WISE AND GENEROUS WITH MONEY —- not selfish or mean with his money, and willing to share his money together with the woman for the needs of both of them. Generous with money that will help family members and friends. Wise with spending, and not financially reckless.
15) FEARS GOD —- Loves holiness, purity, and excellent family values. Morally upright, having respect for women and their sexuality, and believing in the appropriate use of sex. WON’T WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH OR SEXUALLY FONDLE AND POLLUTE THE LADY BEFORE THE MARRIAGE IS OFFICIALLY CONTRACTED AND BLESSED BEFORE GOD.
16) HAVING RESPECT FOR THE WOMAN’S FAMILY AND HER CULTURE —- A man who does not despise the kind of family or culture that the woman belongs to. Willing to mix with the lady’s family members, relate well to them, and become a blessing to them. Accepting the good cultural values of the lady (but helping her lovingly to change any outmoded or destructive traditional practices and ideas)..
17) KNOWS THE WILL OF GOD FOR HIS LIFE (what God has called him for, why he is still alive). He may not fully know but is sincerely serving God and is seeking to completely find out God’s ultimate will, and so “needs a woman as a HELPER to discover and do God’s will”.
As I have always emphasized, it is more important to BE THE RIGHT PERSON than just looking for the right person. That is the only way to recognize the right qualities in the other fellow.
Lady, please remember that the gentleman is also looking for the woman with the best qualities that will satisfy his needs.
So far as we live in humility and obedience, God will ensure that we finally get the right people in our lives to accomplish His will in all areas of our lives. Even when we make mistakes that are sincere ones, He knows how to rescue us out of every mess and redirect our courses to accomplish His purposes.
Copyright, May 2003. By: Rev. Dr. Samuel Kisseadoo (Professor of Biology, Hampton University, Hampton, Virginia). Founder & President, Fruitful Ministries International Inc.
6 Red Robin Turn, Hampton, Virginia 23669 USA Phone 757-7289330 Fax 757-7289335
E-mail: [email protected]